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Dance of the Puppets

Like a bat on a hot tin roof since August 2005

Thursday, November 30, 2006

The dream team of suck

I have no idea if the original Onslaught event was any good, but Marvel have a worse batting average than DC with "event" comics, and it's taken ten years to revisit it, so I'm guessing it wasn't an overwhelming success. Marvel have a way of recycling even its worst excesses after enough time has passed - whoever thought they'd pry the lid off the toxic can of worms labelled "Spider-Man Clone War" so soon? Don't they ever learn from their mistakes?

So while it could be worse, it does seem that getting together Jeph Loeb and Rob Liefeld on the microwaved leftovers of Onslaught is the dream team of suck.

And no, I don't plan to review it. It is enough for me that it exists.

And yes, I know some of the proceeds go to a worthy cause. But that won't magically make Rob Liefeld a good artist (as can be seen from the cover image), or give Jeph Loeb any original ideas. It will just mean that some people will buy it despite the suck.

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not only has Marvel not learned any lessons from the original Onslaught, they obviously didn't pay attention to Rob's Teen Titans from months ago, either.

Why does he keep getting work?

1:17 am  
Anonymous JD said...

I can assure you that the original Onslaught event wasn't any good either. It started as an X-Men storyline where nothing had been planned in advance (which resulted in one year of Onslaught doing bafflingly enigmatic things that were never explained). Then it was hijacked by the need to end the Avengers and Fantastic Four titles in order to shunt them into the Heroes Reborn deal.
The final result was horribly incoherent, with astonishingly poor coordination between titles (Civil War is perfect continuity compared to it). Somehow, they managed to omit explaining a lot of key plot points in any of the titles involved, such as what Onslaught was trying to achieve, why he used Sentinels, what the heck was Gateway's role in all this, and so forth. (This became notoriously obvious when "the road to Onslaught", a behind-the-scenes promo piece, was published a few months after, and sketched those points, even though they were completely absent from the actual crossover.)

While we're talking Clone Saga... Onslaught contributed to lenghten it, since they had to delay the ending in order to prevent schedule conflicts.

Onslaught only has two redeeming features :
- it was mercifully short, only two months (as compared to the year-long Civil War)
- it ushered in the Heroes Reborn deal, which revitalised the sales (if not the quality) of the Avengers and FF titles, and allowed for the creation of Thunderbolts.

But the story ? Total shitte.

1:25 am  
Anonymous JD said...

As for Liefeld still getting work...
Well, he sells. His Teen Titans issues produced a +15% boost. His last X-Force mini started at 66K, which was quite good indeed.

Like most people on the web, I am entirely baffled by his continued popularity, but there's no denying he sells.

1:32 am  
Blogger Marionette said...

Sounds like a perfect match for Loeb, a superficial, lazy writer, all flash and no substance, who keeps trotting out the same old tricks and yet has a substantial fan following.

But then Civil War has been hugely successful, despite having no plot. I sometimes wonder about comics fans.

3:57 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd stay well clear of Onslaught if I were you. It's more toxic than a 747 full of Polonium-210.

10:34 am  
Anonymous JD said...

I've had a look at the thing (without buying it, of course), out of morbid curiousity, and...

The art isn't the worst part of it. Oh, it's quite bad, but not eye-gougingly bad. Better than the covers, certainly. There are even some backgrounds !

No, it's the writing. The narration and dialogue are horribly painful. I'm not a Loeb fan, but this is awfully below par even for him.

1:31 pm  
Blogger SallyP said...

Well, the original Onslaught was...in a word...wretched. The sequel looks to be wretched squared.
The only reason that I can conceive of, as to why Liefeld keeps getting work, is that he has photos in a safe deposit box somewere. DAMAGING photos.

6:15 pm  
Anonymous Ununnilium said...

By the way, the Ultimate Clone Saga is actually quite good. Don't be fooled by the fact that it shares a name with an overstretched retcon-happy mid-90s project.

7:31 pm  
Anonymous "Starman" Matt Morrison said...

*points to this week's Batman/Spirit as proof that Loeb CAN write good things on occassion*

(... especially if he has a co-writer doing the art...)

Also, are we sure that 15% boost on Teen Titans couldn't have been caused by Gail Simone's writing?

8:41 pm  
Anonymous Matthew said...

I admit Onslaught is funny. However, I must confess to liking the Onslaught in Marvel vs. Capcom. Mostly because he had a GIANT FRIGGEN LASER!

Sorry.

Marionette can I ask you a favor? Jeph Loeb has said he never listens to the Internet and also says that he never gets negative crticism at a convention. Can you prove him wrong by going to a convention and giving him that criticism?

1:55 am  
Blogger Marionette said...

Matthew, unless someone is foolish enough to fly Jeph Loeb across the Atlantic I fear we are fated never to cross paths.

But I keep the stakes and garlic handy, just in case.

1:49 pm  
Anonymous Matthew said...

marionette: So you don't go to conventions? That sucks. I guess I'll have to be the one to yell at him then...

SPeaking of which, the real dream team of suck, of course, is Rob Liefield and CHUCK AUSTEN.

3:05 pm  

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